Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
