Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
