I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
