Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize