You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
