just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
