4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
