Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize