he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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