you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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