I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
