In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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