I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
