i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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