so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
