So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
