I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
