After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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