if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
