Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
