They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
