you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
