Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
