I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
