i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
