remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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