I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
