I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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