My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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