Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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