this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
