Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
