k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
