Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize