I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
