twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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