perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
