There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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