so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are the jesus of drinking
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize