Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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