Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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