I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
