We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
