I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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