Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
