i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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