somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
