an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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