saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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