Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize