Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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