i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
