u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I forget how to act sober
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize