1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
