i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
