That's when you crack a 10am beer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize