Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
