dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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