No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
