I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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