Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
