bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
