I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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