Can i not drive my cunt home
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
