in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Everclear isn't food dammit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
