Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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