i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
