he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I am morally bankrupt
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
