you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
