so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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