ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
