I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
