Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize