My room smells like vodka and shame
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
