Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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