So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
