If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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