she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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