I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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