so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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