I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
