Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
