Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
