...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize