You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
