And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
