If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
