I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
