You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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