So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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