I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
