Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's on the porch naked. Help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize