You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
