watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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