3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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